i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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