Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
this hospital has no fireball
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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