What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your penis caused this!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
