what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
