I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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