I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
