Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
