just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
