I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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