last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
