So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
