i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
