I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
