By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
