Screwed.edu
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize