there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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