I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
