I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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