but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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