i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
