this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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