just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
