I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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