when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
