Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
why do cheetos always look like penises
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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