is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize