fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize