Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
