Sponge bath it is.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
