Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
