Your face is a jimmy john
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
