When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
