Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
