Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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