U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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