Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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