i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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