so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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