k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
