youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
