It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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