Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
they need to just BURY HIM!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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