The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I love you. Go after that dick
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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