who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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