Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Naked Twister starts at high noon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
