Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
