Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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