And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
