She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
