I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
