But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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