i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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