Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
