$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
high people should be assigned attendants
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
