my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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