Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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