meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize