i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
