Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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