im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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