i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
