Your tits are I can't wait for
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
