yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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