Just took my morning after pill in the library
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
