well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
