You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
