omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
