Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize